by Christy C updated on February 28, 2020
I spent hours thinking about what I would write in my first post. I knew it had to be something that left an impact, something that would set the tone. Then, I found this TEDx talk, "What Trauma Taught Me About Resilience" by Charles Hunt, and knew it was the perfect foundation for this blog. We grew up around very unique circumstances, yet we both experienced something, that unfortunately, seems universal. Trauma.
What Is Trauma?
" Trauma is the response to a deeply distressing or disturbing event that overwhelms an individual's ability to cope, causes feelings of helplessness, diminishes their sense of self and their ability to feel the full range of emotions and experiences" (Onderko, 2018). Trauma comes in many forms and can occur at any point in our lives. We don't have to live in the worst neighborhoods or grow up in the worst homes for it to leave its footprint on our journey. There isn't a requirement to go through a one-time event that is normally categorized as "traumatic" and it isn't always obvious while it's happening. The reality is, most of us will experience trauma in some form several different times throughout our lifetime. The question then becomes, does it have to leave a "negative" impact on our lives?
What would you say if I were to tell you trauma can actually lead to strength, perseverance, character, tenacity, determination, and resilience? Would you believe it? Would you believe me if I said that you are not defined by your experiences, but can define how you respond to them? I'm living proof that trauma doesn't have to devour you.
Trauma has been stitched into the fabric of my life since I was a little girl, though I was initially unable to identify it for what it was. For most of my young life, we didn't live in traditional housing. Instead, we lived in a tent set up in state parks. I wore hand-me-down clothing and often times did not have lights or running water. Needless to say personal hygiene wasn't much of a priority. I was picked on at every school I attended and had very few friends.
As life continued, I experienced the death of several family members and both of my best friends, one to unintentional suicide. I became a widow at 33 and lost my father in the same way a year and a half later. It wasn't over yet. I went on to experience verbal and emotional abuse and domestic violence that pushed me to the verge of suicide. This led to a nasty divorce and custody battle over our two young children. I am now learning to embrace single parenthood. Would you believe I wouldn't trade any of it, with the exception of how it impacted my kids?
I truly believe our experiences play a huge part in molding who we are, but I refuse to believe we have to be defined by them. We don't have to be a victim of our circumstances. We can choose, instead, to persevere through them, even when we don't think we can take another step. But, we don't have to do it alone. For me, the key to my resilience has been my faith. In my darkest hour (a topic for a later post), I realized I wasn't alone and rededicated my life to Christ instead of taking it. Don't get me wrong, things got harder before they got better, but I had hope in a once hopeless situation. I also got connected with a women's group in a local church. Their support truly changed my life.
If you're walking through dark times right now, and you're not sure how or "if" you're going to make it through, I not only encourage, but challenge you to make a commitment to never give up and "find your people!" Get connected, whether it be with a church or other support group, or maybe to a close friend that you have yet to open up to. Whatever option you choose, please know You Are Not Alone! I'll never promise it'll get easier, at least not right away. But I can tell you that as long as you don't give up, even if you can't take another step and only have the strength to stand, you will persevere. Somewhere in the middle of the storm, you will find a strength you didn't know was there. I did. You will too.
I said earlier in this post that my faith is what gave me the hope I needed to keep going. If you would like to know more about Jesus, the God of my Hope, don't be afraid to reach out. I'll be happy to answer any questions and pray with you.
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